Discovering my nature (part 1)

Just when I felt confused, my brother suggested for me to take an MBTI test (I won’t talk about this result until my next article, but maybe you can guess, if you are familiar with type). I had done so during Computer Science undergraduate, the result then had been: INTJ. This hadn’t really surprised me, because I was consciously forcing myself to rely on reason as much as possible. Two things contributed to this.

Firstly, I admired many of the American entrepreneurs in the computer era. Their early breakthroughs gave them a financial independence, to be and do more of what they wanted. While money was never my primary objective, I still craved that freedom to be myself, work in a way that befits me to improve others lifes and become an inspiration.

Ayn Rand’s Heroes

Secondly, I had modeled many of my convictions after the main character of the novel “The fountainhead” by Ayn Rand. I could well identify with his stubbornness, desire to have it my own way, independence. What he had in addition was his career as an architect, for him to turn his ideas into reality. That was something I deeply desired, and I thought of the possibility that such creative productivity, doing something I loved, would allow me the freedom to live in society, having something of value to offer.

In her other books, her explicit philosophy advocates for man to always follow reason. I was really surprised when I read David Keirsey’s Temperaments thus describing the rationals/intellectuals, but this did never sit with me, rather rational decision making was something I am strongly lacking in.

Figuring out the internal truth of something, or getting a mathematical concept are both rather easy, but being decisive about external data is something I just don’t do that well. After all, for her, being an INTJ with Te parent, this is great advice. For me, trying to rely on my thinking (Ti-child and Te-blindspot/trickster) for external decision making doesn’t come natural. I would be much better advised looking for values.

Most of Ayn Rand’s characters (all the xNTJs, not the xNTPs) were focused on external work and achievement, stressing independence and rational (selfish) decision-making.

Orientation towards values

As for myself, wisdom and understanding, growth and human potential, interdependence, helping everyone to live in alignment with their nature (or even “true self”, typical for idealist temperament) and actualize their potential were guiding values. 

I felt much more drawn to the humanities, and even in my venturing into Chinese classics, I was looking for unifying human values, that were not based on some limiting paradigm (existence of the god of the bible or eastern collectivism).



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